Maybe This Will All Change Once Sweater Season Is Over

(cw: gender dysphoria)

once the leaves grow back on the trees 

and the flowers bloom again
maybe i will realise it was not
my time to do so

~

like maybe once it gets warmer, i will simply spring clean all of my uncertainty, give away all of my "well, actually..."s and my questionmarks, decide there is no space in my closet for the scary amount of options i've started to accumulate

like once i can no longer wear my curduroy dungarees there will be no front pockets to safeguard my anxious thoughts and menstrual products, and all the times someone looked at me like they didn't know what to make of me coming out of the bathroom

i guess what i'm trying to say is i don't know how this new self that is trying so hard to be built would look like in a t-shirt except too lumpy and too soft and too scared to continue to be

i guess what i'm trying to say is what's the refund policy for a binder;
and does it matter

-cgi.